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If you have a child at home, you may have noticed that they struggle with regulating their emotions. Toddlers and preschoolers may “lash out” with violence, yelling, or harsh words when they are upset or they may have a meltdown, screaming and crying uncontrollably in response to a disappointment. It’s perfectly normal for toddlers and preschoolers to struggle with emotional regulation, but it can be difficult for parents to deal with emotionally dysregulated behaviour. The good news is, that emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time just like social skills, gross motor skills, and language skills. This means that there is plenty we can do as parents and educators to help children develop their emotional regulation skills. Here are some tips for helping to encourage healthy emotional regulation skills in your little one.

Practice runs

Practice runs are a great tool for situations that you know might be emotionally challenging for your child. For example, if your child has a meltdown every time you try to brush their teeth (this is a common challenge for young children), you can try coaching them through the experience step by step during a practice run. This involves breaking the process down into lots of small, manageable steps and gently talking them through each step. You can start by just practising the steps they are comfortable with (e.g. picking out their toothbrush, putting on the toothpaste) and then work up to add extra steps that may be more challenging to them (e.g. putting the toothbrush in their mouth, gently brushing the front teeth for 5 seconds). Adding one small step at a time can prevent them from feeling overwhelmed. After “practising” the routine this way a number of times, your child should become increasingly comfortable with the entire process, allowing you to brush their teeth without any meltdowns. This technique can be applied to almost any situation that your child finds emotionally challenging.

Self-reflection

Learning to reflect on our own behaviour is an essential life skill and one which even adults can often struggle with. As parents, we can help our children develop self-reflection by approaching their behaviour in a kind, calm and non-judgemental way. The aim is to help them understand the situation and reflect on what they could have done differently. For example, imagine your child snatches a toy from their friend. Their friend may respond by hitting your child, leaving both kids upset. Instead of punishing your child for snatching, once you have helped them calm down, you can talk through the incident to help them understand what happened. Recounting the events in a calm, non-emotional way can often help your child better understand the effects of their actions. For younger kids, this could be as simple as recounting the events while naming the emotions that your child and their friend may have been feeling. For an older child, you could ask some questions to encourage self-reflection such as “How do you think your friend might have felt when you snatched the toy?” or “Could you have asked for the toy in a different way?”.

Modelling

Children look to the adults around them to learn how to navigate the world. This means that if we struggle to regulate or express our emotions in healthy ways and resort to yelling, aggression, or unkind words when we are feeling upset, our children will likely do the same. We can help our children develop healthy emotional regulation strategies by role-modelling them ourselves. Naming and explaining your own emotions and practising regulation strategies in front of your kids is probably one of the most effective ways to encourage this behaviour. For example, if you drop an entire roast dinner on the floor you might yell in anger. Instead of just getting on with the task at hand, it’s worth taking the time to talk through your feelings and explain how you’re going to manage them. “I’m feeling really angry and upset because I’ve dropped this food on the floor, I’m going to have a glass of water and take a couple of deep breaths to calm down”.

Find self-care strategies for your child

While some people might find a few deep breaths help them to calm down when they’re feeling overwhelmed or upset, others might prefer to listen to music, take a walk outside, or even sing a silly song. You can help your child discover their very own self-care strategies that they can use when they’re feeling dysregulated. Every child is different so you may need to think outside the square, some ideas include:

• Reading books
• Pillow fights
• Dance parties
• Swinging or rocking
• Music
• Meditation
• Sensory soothing items like bubble wrap, stress balls, stuffed toys, fidget toys or scented candles

Once you know what helps your child feel calm and centred, you can direct them towards these activities when you can sense a meltdown brewing, or in order to help them calm down after an emotional outburst.

Teaching emotional regulation at Heritage House

At Heritage House, we believe the development of emotional regulation skills is just as important as the other social and academic skills we teach. Our educators are equipped with the skills and strategies to help children navigate their emotions and understand their responses within a safe environment. Our educators help children to identify their emotions, develop a practice of self-reflection and also identify self-care strategies that they can use to calm down during challenging moments in order to create emotionally confident kids.

If you’d like to learn more about our centres, contact us today.